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Log In Sign Up. Miguel Almeida. Whether interviewing a baby-sitter, meeting a new date, or selecting a jury, this thorough, detailed guide of what to look for could probably improve anyone's ability at seeing and being seen. Now, in this phenomenal new book, she applies the secrets of her extraordinary success to the everyday situations we all face at work, at home, and in relationships. How can you "hear between the lines" to detect a lie?
When is intuition the best guide to making important decisions? What are the tell-tale signs of romantic attraction? How do other people "read" us? The answers lie closer than we might think. Hair style, clothing, voice, hand gestures, the neatness of office or living room, the steadiness of the gaze, behavior around subordinates: in combination these and other traits provide critical clues to a person's integrity, work habits, and sexual interests.
Through vivid anecdotes and proven techniques, Dimitrius teaches us how to interpret these signs with accuracy and precision. Whether your focus is friendship or marriage, career or family, romance or professional success, Reading People gives you the skills you need to make sound, swift decisions and reap the benefits from a lifetime of razor-sharp insight.
If this book is coverless, it may have been reported to the publisher as "unsold or destroyed" and neither the author nor the publisher may have received payment for it. Originally published in slightly different form by Random House, Inc. From the time we first decided to write Reading People, through its many drafts, and finally during the process of editing, publishing, and promotion, we have been blessed with the en- couragement and assistance of so many wonderful and talented people that we could never thank them all.
But we would like to publicly ac- knowledge a few to whom we are particularly indebted. We owe a special debt of gratitude to Dr. Spencer Johnson, who first suggested that we write this book together. Thank you also, Spencer, for introducing us to our agent, Margret McBride, who has been a vital and enthusiastic supporter since the inception of this project. We'll never be able to thank Lynn Randall enough for her twenty years of support and friendship to Mark, and her help and encouragement with this book.
Thanks also to Diane Anderson and Melinda Lewis, who transcribed draft after draft of the text. We are also grateful to John Wexo and Michael Rondeau, good friends and gifted writers, who took time out of their busy lives to brainstorm and edit this book. A special thanks to you, John—you showed us the way. Our thanks also go out to all the great people at Random House, es- pecially Deb Futter, our editor, for believing in this project and helping make our dream a reality; and Jolanta Benal, our copy editor.
We also want to recognize Lynette Padwa for all her hard work on the early drafts of the text. Thank you all. Scanning the Environment: Seeing People in Context 76 5. Finding the Hidden Meanings in Everyday Communication 8. The Need for S. I'd watch as my mother scurried around, carefully ensuring that no glass was empty.
I remember the chubby, bald man whose booming laughter resonated throughout the house, and his rail-thin wife, who shook her head and rolled her eyes as he launched into an only slightly modified version of a story he'd told dozens of times before. I would laugh to my- self as my father's friend John reached out casually for another hors d'oeuvre to add to the scores he'd already inhaled, while my dad play- fully poked him in the stomach, and said, chuckling, "Make sure you save some room for dinner, little boy.
Even when I was a child my passion was people. From among them, I would have to select the twelve who would decide whether my client would live or die. Every other decision I'd ever made about people suddenly seemed insignificant. Should I have trusted the salesman who sold me my first used car? Was I right to confide in my best friend that I had a crush on her big brother? Had I chosen a good baby- sitter for my young daughter? I had been reading people for over thirty years, but this time a man's life was at stake.
I sat for weeks next to "the Night Stalker," Richard Ramirez, peering every day into the cold- est eyes I have ever seen. I shared Peggy Buckey's anguish at her unwar- ranted prosecution for child molestation in the McMartin Preschool case. I watched in horror as rioting spread through Los Angeles after the defense verdict in the Rodney King Simi Valley trial.
In the Reginald Denny case, I tried to comprehend why four young men would merci- lessly beat a complete stranger, and struggled to select jurors who would understand those motives and respond leniently.
I strained to compre- hend the internal torment that led John DuPont to shoot and kill Olympic wrestler David Schultz. And I endured the world's scrutiny, and often its harsh criticism, because I helped select the jury that acquitted O.
It has been a wild, sometimes exhilarating ride, but not as glamorous as some might think. I have worked agonizingly long hours, and while I have been applauded by some for my involvement in unpopular cases, I have also been criticized by others for the very same involvement.
My ef- forts to explain my deep commitment to the American system of justice and the principle that no one should be denied his liberty, let alone his life, by anything less than a truly impartial jury, have often fallen on deaf ears.
My life has been threatened. I was even blamed by some for the L. Through it all, I have watched and listened. I have done my best to apply my education, my powers of observation, my common sense, and my intuition to understanding those who have passed through the court- rooms where I have worked.
And if there's one thing I have learned, sometimes the hard way, it is how to read people. From the day I was chosen by "the Dream Team" to become the jury consultant in O. Simpson's criminal trial, I have been approached from seemingly every angle to write a book. But writing an expose never inter- ested me. It was not until a very wise friend, the writer Spencer Johnson, suggested, "Write about something you know best, something that will make a difference in people's lives," that we were inspired to write Read- ing People.
Introduction xiii No matter with whom you interact, no matter where or when you in- teract with them, the quality of your life will depend to a large extent on the quality of your decisions about people. Employers will make better hiring choices; prospective employees will improve their chances of landing the best jobs. Others claim to have a God-given talent. My own experience has taught me that reading people is neither a science nor an innate gift.
It is la matter of knowing what to look and listen for, having the curiosity and ' patience to gather the necessary information, and understanding how to recognize the patterns in a person's appearance, body language, voice, v and conduct. As valuable as my formal education has been, it is not what made The American Lawyer dub me "the Seer" a few years back.
Rather, it is my near-obsessive cu- riosity about people—how they look, sound, and act—that has made me an effective people reader. The empathy I feel for others drives me to un- derstand them better. It is a skill I learned from the time I was a little girl, sit- ting at the top of those stairs during my parents' dinner parties, and re- fined through a lifetime of experiences and over four hundred trials.
Best of all, it's a skill that can be learned and applied with equal success by anyone—anytime, anyplace. Why am I so sure? After the cases were decided, I spoke with the participants to explore what they thought and why. I did not always peg them correctly, especially in the earlier years. But by test- ing my perceptions over and over, I have verified which clues are gener- ally reliable and which are not. And I have found that the approach outlined in this book will help anyone understand people and better predict their be- havior in the courtroom, the boardroom, and the bedroom.
People are people, wherever they are. The man on the witness stand trying to persuade the jury of the righteousness of his cause is no differ- ent from the salesman hawking his goods at the flea market.
The preju- dices shown by a prospective juror are the same as those that may surface in a job interview. A juror or witness will try to avoid answering a sensitive question in court in much the same way as he does at home or at work. Each courtroom is a microcosm of life, filled with anger, nervousness, prejudice, fear, greed, deceit, and every other conceivable human emo- tion and trait.
There, and everywhere else, every person reveals his emo- tions and beliefs in many ways. Chapter 2, "Discover- ing Patterns," will show you how to make sense of a person's often con- tradictory characteristics. In the succeeding chapters, you will discover how people reveal their beliefs and character through their personal ap- pearance, body language, environment, voice, communication tech- niques, and actions.
The final chapters will show you how to make a good impression on those who are reading you, and how to make wise and reliable snap decisions. Throughout this book you'll be seeing what can be learned from how a person looks, talks, and acts. But the goal is not just to provide you with a "glossary" of people's characteristics and behaviors. Instead, Reading People aims to teach you how to evaluate people's complex characteristics and how to see the overall pattern those characteristics form—the pattern that truly can reveal and predict behavior.
This method has been the secret to my success at reading people. Once you've mastered these skills, they will serve you just as well, at work and at play, today and for the rest of your life. They were right there in front of me! How could I have been so blind? If reading people were like driving a car or hitting a tennis ball, we'd be able to recognize our weak points and improve our performance with every try.
That rarely happens with relationships. Instead, we interact with our friends, colleagues, and spouses in the same old ways, doggedly hoping for the best. In theory, thanks to the people-reading skills I acquired over the years, it should have been easy for me to make better decisions in my personal life—whom to let into it and what to expect from them once I did.
Yet for many years I failed to apply my courtroom abilities to my off-duty life. Perhaps I had to reach a saturation point of pain and disappoint- ment in some of my personal relationships before I was willing to ana- lyze my mistakes and put my professional experience to work for me. When I finally resolved to bring that focus and clarity to my personal life, it made sense to start by comparing the courthouse with the world outside.
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